Linoleum Elixir- A facial for your floor

That’s right!

Finally an elixir for that parched synthetic sheet that keeps the noodles from falling through the floorboards! Think about it. You wash, you wax, and yet it looks hazy and dull. That’s no place for a party!?! Use this before you spend the evening on the floor. You’ll be grateful in the morning.

Are you tired of waking up after a night of blackout drinking and realize that your floor is disgusting? And your face was there for how many hours? At least linoleum doesn’t absorb drool… When your face is on the kitchen floor, you can think to yourself,
“damn this linoleum smells good…”
Anyways, what if you woke up to the fresh scent of Juniper, Redwood, Orange and Lemon oils? Can you believe it? Your floor will be so shiny, you’ll have to peel your hung over self from it by sheer force of will.  Sunglasses recommended for the rest of the day.

May not be suitable for finished hardwood floors due to essential oil content… Absolutely ill advised for internal use, unless you need to wash out your mouth with soap.

16 oz bottle covers at least 666 sq feet six times, or up to 10 uses per bottle in a walkup apartment in NYC $20 + shipping


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